Knight of Mars (sailornash) wrote,
Knight of Mars

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Welcome to my Nightmare...

WalMart was CRAY-ZEE today. EVERYONE was out there buying shit. The college crowd I didn't mind, but for some reason it musta been kids day or something - little rugrats were everywhere. Running. Jumping. SCREAMING. Crying. Climbing things. Good thing that I just got back from watching one hellafied cool movie. Otherwise Nash's Id might have taken over, and I would have screamed at the top of my lungs while ramming into the little brats at full speed with my shopping card, slamming them down like bowling pins.

Yeah, compared to the living nightmare of all the screaming little ankle-biters, the horror movie wasn't scary at all. ^_^;

The movie was OMFG good though! Wow. It wasn't so wild that it reinvented the age-old genre, but it did have a bit of a different feel to it, and that I liked. As far as who won? Well, without spoiling anything, you already know two things going into the movie:

1) Neither one is really going to kill the other one off. That's one of the fundamentles of all slasher flicks - the unkillable evil truly is unkillable.
2) Since there's so many Freddy fans and so many Jason fans, they wouldn't have done the movie if one of them completely pwned the other one. That would have completely pissed off one-half of the attending crowd.

...but it still made my day to see Jason trudging out of Crystal Lake, holding his machete in one hand and Freddy's decapitated head in the other. Oh hell yes.

I know that I'm only interpreting the things that happened according to my own personal biases, but I feel that Jason kicked Freddy's ass all the way back to Elm Street. Freddy only had one good scene - that was when he snatched Jason's machete and started hacking away at him. The rest of the time, Jason was chopping off his arms or ripping his claw arm off and shoving it through his heart or something else brutally gore-tastic. Even when Freddy was on the offensive, it made Jason shine. Like the pinball scene. Freddy slammed him all over the dream world, gored him, dropped a heavy piece of equiptment on him, and Jason still sat there. Freddy screams out of frustration, "Why won't you DIE!!!"

Another point of interest - in a poll taken to see who everyone wanted to win, 51% picked Voorhies. The other 49% picked Kreuger. Close, but the nod goes to Jason. Jason was in 10 movies; Freddy was in seven. Jason has four times the body count that Freddy does. Two more points for Team Crystal Lake. Plus, when you typically list an "X vs Y" fight, the challenger is listed first, and the champion second. Following that logic, Jason has yet another edge. And all of this before the actual movie starts!

In the movie, Freddy needed Jason. Point goes to Jason. Also, Freddy was able to be stopped by a pill. A freaking pill. Take two of these and call me in the morning, perscription strength, dream stopping anti-Freddy pills. I'd like to see anyone stop Jason that easily! Another point for hockey-head. The biggest mark against charcoal-boy is when the Destiny's Child backup singer starts bad-mouthing Kreuger like he was a guest on the Jerry Springer Show. Yet another point for Big J. No wait...after mocking Freddy, the bootyliscious black sister-friend starts talking about how Jason's the bad mudda fugga that everyone need be scared of. Make that TWO points. No wait....Jason hacked her in half with his machete immediately after she said that. THREE points!

As far as the action sequences goes, Jason wins by a split decision. As far as counting the intangibles, Jason wins unanimously. But then again, that's just how I was scoring the fight.

All in all, I think the movie was done really well. Both Jason and Freddy had a number of great scenes, and I'm pretty sure that fans of both sides will walk away from this one pleased. After Scream and all the other teen movies posing as slasher flicks, it's good to see one done so awesomely. Besides, crossovers rarely happen, so this is a dream come true for all the folks who've debated this hypothetical match endlessly since sometime in the 80's.

Conclusion: It's a slasher flick. If you're into them though, it's a must see. If not, it's still a decent action movie. Not really all that horrific, but lots of great fight scenes between these two movie legends.
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