Olympic hero Michael Phelps no longer the fastest swimmer alive! He apparently didn't win all those gold medals after all! All those amazing races, those world records he shattered, the new ones he set...none of those happened! The Beijing Olympics weren't as exciting as we thought we remembered they were! Witness the irrefutable proof right here:
Oh, wait. No...that's just a guy taking a hit off a bong. Chill the fuck out, yo. It's just pot. Doesn't make him any less of an amazing athlete. Doesn't make any of his accomplishments any less amazing. It's his personal life so leave it the fuck alone. You get back to me when you catch him splicing fucking fish DNA into his cells and prove to me that he really is some kind of freaky fishman waterbreathing mutant hybrid. Or shooting up steroids at the very least.