Knight of Mars (sailornash) wrote,
Knight of Mars
sailornash

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This can't be happening.

Didn't take the Cal III test today after all. I went to class, but only to tell Prof Davis that one of my family members had died. Luckily he said that would be okay, and that he'd just count it like I missed it instead of giving me a zero. Knowing the assholish things he's done to screw me in the past, I almost was expecting him to tell me to shut up and take the test, cause death isn't a good enough excuse for him (despite being a good enough one for the University). Knowing him, he'd count points off because the tears smudged the ink on the paper. Bah.

Well, luckily enough he was okay with it. Just can't think straight after this morning's unexpected news. It's just now setting in about what happened. When Mom first told me, I did a triple take, as my brain just couldn't understand the words coming from her mouth. I just can't believe that Timmie's dead...

It was just yesterday that lavender_moon and I were hanging out with him and Pam on New Years, playing Trivial Pursuit and listining to Dr Demento CD's. He wanted to show me a song called Bulbous Bufont. He promised me that next time I came down during the week, we'd all head out to Trivia Night at Bojangles, since I haven't been able to show up to that since the summer break. Laura and I were both going to try to cut class and hang out with him for Mardi Gras later this month. I just can't believe that he's gone. It's an hour and a half later, and it's just now starting to sink in that he died this morning. If I talked to you on the phone and you were surprised that I wasn't crying, this is why. I loved Timmie - he wasn't just family, he was cool as hell to hang out with. Now that the fact that I'll never get to see him again is starting to sink it, it feels worse and worse. Even now, there's still a part of me deep inside that's hoping this is all some kind of sick joke, or that Mom actually said "Jimmy" or "Billy" or some other name, someone else but Timmie.

This is the first time I think I'll be really upset at seeing someone at a funeral since Paw-paw died. I was crushed when he died, but he was an old man and we knew it was coming. But Timmie....Timmie's not all that much older than I am. He's not an old man who already goes to the doctors once or twice a month for medicines and surguries and the like. He was too young to die. It wasn't his time; couldn't have been his time yet. This is the first time that someone so close to me has died so unexpectedly. I've had friends die in car wrecks before, but Timmie was family.

When I first heard Mom's voice this morning, I could tell something was wrong. At first, I thought that she was getting worse herself. When I was tell that she was about to tell me that someone died, I automatically assumed that it was Uncle Pat. So did thespacecow when I told him. So did lavender_moon when he told her. If that had of been the case, I would have been all right. I would still miss him, but he's already lived out most of his life. He's getting up there in years, and already has to go to the doctor's one every week because of his deteriorating health. It would still be hurtful to lose him, but we would be more prepared for it. But Timmie was unexpected. And unexpected blows like that hurt a hell of a lot more.

Anyway, I just emailed my professors to let them know I'd be out of town later this week, and try to get what assignments I could from them. Since today's my light day, I think I'm going to turn off the lights and lie down for a while until my next class at eleven. I just feel like being alone right now.
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