Knight of Mars (sailornash) wrote,
Knight of Mars

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Truth in advertising.

I'm a Redneck. Just in case none of y'all knew that, lemme go on and fess up to bein' a good ol' boy. (But if y'all didn't know that, then what the hell are you doin' reading my journal anyways?)

But yeah, even though I'm a country boy, for high school, my parents sent me to the preppiest damn place they could find so that I'd get a good education. Which I did, though it was hell bein' the dirt poor Redneck at such a preppy-ass place. That being said, I don't hate pickups. In fact I rather love trucks...but I hate these stuck-up bastards that try to be both preppies and hicks ("pricks", as Robby so accurately described them) and buy $50,000 pickups with all the lift kits and roll bars and winches, but never hit any "off-road" terrain more serious than the curb out in front of the Gap. Hell, one of the new Dodges has a fucking SPOILER. How the hell can you use the bed for anything when there's a damn spoiler in the way? Might as well have these pretty-boy trucks spritz scented mineral water out of the wipers. They got no use for a pickup, except to make up for their freakishly small dicks. =P

I need my truck. I used to haul my belongings back and forth to college for years. I used to live on a dirt road...on the side of a hill, no less...where when it rained, my truck with it's all-terrain mud tires was the only vehicle that could get out. I used to haul limbs and hurricane debris for friends and family. I've made enough money using my truck for work that it's already paid for itself over the years, and to this day I'm still the first person to help my friends move - bad back and all. Plus for my job, assuming I get deployed again, I need to drive into and through hurricanes, and though it's not as important as it once was I still intend on using my tall truck and my big tires. I'll be on the road for 10-12 hours at a time driving out to Miami or Houston or Charleston or wherever else, so while I'm not a racer, I'll be using my heavy-duty 454 engine where a smaller one just wouldn't be able to do the job. That's the whole reason I got the truck, because originally it was making 4-5 hour trips to and from Tuscaloosa once a month, with side trips out to the Pascagoula and Biloxi area almost as often. (And before anyone faults me for using it as a daily driver, I ain't got the money for a second vehicle. When I do, first thing I'm gonna do is buy my bike, only using my Big Red Machine for rainy days and hauling afterwards.)

But it pisses me off, seeing people use such powerful machines when they have no need. Most people could use cars, or if they simply prefer the look of a truck, one of these smaller S-10's with an extended cab. Not everyone needs a huge tanks. Especially with us relying so heavily on foriegn oil and with all the trouble in the Middle East. They damn sure don't need an SUV. I doubt they even know what "SUV" stands for anymore, because I don't think I've seen one used as a "sports utility vehicle" except in commercials since the late 1980's.

Soccer moms don't need no fucking HUMMER, which was supposed to be a millitary vehicle before it became a Chevy Tahoe in a different shell, to go to the store and pick up the week's groceries. It makes me sick seeing these so-called "responsible adults" driving around SUVs almost exclusively, just because they don't want to feel old and don't want to have to own a station wagon. Hummers used to be cool. But now, they're just minivans for the soccer moms that don't want to admit to driving a minivan. And a small part of me dies every time I go to WalMart, and ironically my full-sized Chevy Silverado is one of the smaller vehicles there.

All that being said? KittyHawk posted two freakin' HILLARIOUS commercials for the new Hummers. The H3, actually, which is the "little" Hummer. It's not even the truly offensive beast that is the H2. Thing is, they're finally coming right out and saying what they've been implying all this time:

You're a weak, sensitive, pathetic litte PUSSY! Buy a Hummer, so you can "restore the balance" and feel like a MAN again!

Your kid is a WUSS! Buy a Hummer, so people will still take you seriously! You have no control over your patheric little life, but you can feel all BIG and POWERFUL driving one of our landtanks!

You can't make this shit up, folks. Point, click, laugh. It's funny because it's fucking TRUE.
Tags: commercials, humor, opinion, trucks

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