Knight of Mars (sailornash) wrote,
Knight of Mars

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Another unsuccessful ad campaign

Okay, get this:

We have a fence around 99% of our property. White picket fence up front, six foot privacy fence along the sides, and chain link around the lot next door. It joins to either side of our front porch, such that only the front yard is "open". On the front gate, easily seen from the road, is the default "BEWARE OF DOG" sign. And while we have not done so yet, we're planning on adding one on the other half of the swinging gate that simply says "Our American Bulldogs can make it to the fence in 2.7 seconds. Can you?" (This generic sign doesn't include any warnings that our particular dogs can leap said fence, and almost implies the opposite. But it definitely gets the point across.)

We have CHAINS across our front steps, draped between the posts that hold up the guard rails on either side. A sign is suspended at approximately waist-high, saying "Do not Disturb. YES, this DOES mean you!" This is mainly cause my father works shiftwork and as a result often sleeps during the day...our few houseguests almost always call first, rarely showing up unannounced. But still, it's not exactly a welcome mat...

On the front door, we have a sign saying "STOP!!!" in huge red letters, that the doorbell is broken (which it is), and to call ahead. Then there's very close-up pictures of our two 150lbs bulldogs, with their weights listed underneath the images. Beneath this is a warning saying in no uncertain terms that they do not like strangers and will attack. Anyone wanting to "drop by" needs to call first so we can lock the beasts up in another room, even if they do so from a cell phone inside their own car in the driveway. Only then would they be able to enter safely.

A similar sign is on the back door...we almost never get guests there, and anyone that crosses the fence and makes it inside our garage has almost certainly already stirred the dogs up into a frenzy long before the sudden knock at the door could alert them to a stranger's presence. But for this story, that's not really relevant. Likewise, if anyone needs confirmation on just how fucking massive my dogs are, just ask James. He seems to like telling the story of the first time he met 'em, and their reaction to him when he ignored my warning to stay in his truck till I could trap them in the house. *evil grin*

I suppose that's enough for the mental image. Long story short, all we're missin' is the crazy old lady on the front porch in a rocker with a shotgun.

Anyways, I go out to check the mail this afternoon, and notice a BRIGHT ORANGE piece of paper, face-down, lying on the third step. About as far as a normal-sized person could reach without stepping over the chains hanging from between the handrails.

It was an ad for a home alarm system, with free keypad and security checkup. *laughs*

(I'm really not too sure how to interpret that. On one hand, it's a very clever tactic to use when selling home security systems, basically proving that just about anyone could sneak up on you at any time. Devious and borderline creepy, but I can see how it'd be damn effective. On the other hand, I can just imagine Mr. Door-to-Door Salesman approaching our house, and deciding to just leave his flier there on our steps and not really take a chance at coming any closer...we got the free home inspection security exam already, without having to even buy the system, and his result was that yeah, we're safe enough. Our existing security works quite well...and that's even before they factor in the locks on the doors, or the crazy redneck sumbitch on the other side. Heh.)
Tags: ads, dogs, misc schnaa, opinion
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