Knight of Mars (sailornash) wrote,
Knight of Mars
sailornash

  • Mood:

Can't sleep.

Not insomnia this time, though. Nor the pain in my neck, which I can already tell is going to get worse before it gets better. No, this time it's something different, something not like me AT ALL.

It takes a lot to bother me. I can shrug off most things. But right now, I am severely creeped the fuck out.

Right before I left for my hellafied day at school yesterday, I went outside for ten or twenty minutes to try and settle down. My brain was going a million miles an hour, trying to process all the information that I'd been cramming into it for the past several days in general and the past several hours in specific. So, since I've been holed up in my room for so long, I decided to step out back by the patio for a quick breather. Mom was out there with the dogs, sitting by the patio. It was perfect weather - that one time of the year when it's not too hot and not too cold. Sunny and warm, but with a cool breeze that completely negates any heat. Bright, only partly cloudy - picture perfect weather. Makes for a real relaxing place most of the time, so I went out there to get some sun and some fresh air, and to scratch Bama behind the ears and say "hey" to Mom before I had to go. You know, give my brain a chance to settle down for a second while I still had a chance.

Normal, slow conversation for the most part...but when talking about her koi pond, she began talking about these disgusting bloodworms crawling around like maggots and getting stuck in the filter and all. I jokingly said "Time to get back to studying!" and took a step back in jest. She said, "Oh no, the fish just love them. It's like a treat to them. BUT..." and continued on. And I don't know why, but I still can't get that description out of my mind. For whatever reason I just can't stop thinking about that.

I suppose it's because my brain was gurgling and bubbling, and when it heard that information it soaked it in, grabbed onto it tightly, and thought deeply about it just like it was about Group Policy and Auditing and the like. Or maybe it's because I was just starting to relax a little, just starting to settle down and then that blindsided me the very moment I let my guard down. Normally I wouldn't have given that a second thought, but I ended up dwelling on that and now, I can't even go to sleep. Not that I'm having nightmares - hell, I hardly even dream at all. More like I just can't get relaxed enough to even think about dozing off. Which is saying something, considering I only logged 5 1/2 hours last night instead of my usual 10 or so.

::shudders::
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