Cute blonde last night. Tried chatting her up...even got kind of an embarrassed, bashful blush out of her at one point. But then, well, things kind of went south. Had no endgame. No way to close the deal - not even talking about slammin' sex organs back at my apartment or anything that far the line, but even a nice, graceful way out of the conversation. With or without a phone number. Bah. Yeah, I fail at life, I know.
As I was drinking tonight - or rather, as I was drunk - I pondered this. In particular, I came dangerously close to moping, wishing that I had at least one good, close female friend I could talk openly with and whom I could trust to find out a girl's opinion of just what's wrong with me
. Surely if I had a woman's perspective I could figure out what other women apparently find unattractive or repulsive about me, and it'd surely improve my odds.
Then it struck me. I have, or at least I've had, plenty of female friends in the past. Problem is that once they started to get to know me, they all just wanted to fuck me. We were kind of acquaintances at first, but once we started being friends they started crushing over me. When I didn't pick up on their "hints" they eventually made moves on me, and when I still wasn't interested they just didn't have much else to do with me after that point. Some awkwardly fade into the background after confessing their feelings, while others make passes at me while I'm drunk that are too embarrassing to live up to the next morning. Their trump card had been played to no effect and then they have little choice but to make a full retreat.
I don't know why I never realized it before, but that's kind of exactly how it usually happpens and the only girl friends I manage to keep are all online. I apparently am either just not meeting the right kinds of people to begin with, or the girl I want to be with just doesn't live here in Mobile. Perhaps the "white knight" in me keeps drawing the desperate losers who most need someone like that in their lives, but who aren't the kind of person I need in mine. In the end I'm still back at Square One...and I have no idea what if anything to do about any of it. In the end I guess my biggest problem is that I'm just too damn picky, and I'm not willing to settle for anything less than the best. And that's my right...I simply have to suffer in solitude until that one perfect girl crosses my path.
Tags: girl problems, misc schnaa
Current Mood: lonely