December 8th, 2008

Jayne - Bad Guy

A Modest Proposal: Christmas Edition

It's that time of year again. People are buying Christmas gifts, and while people are in giving moods various charities are hoping to cash in on that Christmas spirit. They've set up the Angel Tree at the mall like they do every year...for those of you not familiar with this, the ornaments are these little paper cutouts of boy or girl angels. There's a name and age on the back, and while you're at the mall shopping already you buy another gift or two for the extra person. Before you leave you leave those gifts for your 'angel', an they all get taken to the orphans on Christmas Day.

It's a beautiful idea, and one I've done ever since I turned old enough to drive and thus old enough to make such decisions for myself. But I'm worried how things like that will turn out this particular Christmas, what with the whole end of the economic world and all. Bailouts, stock market crashes, one Wall Street disaster after another. People barely have money to buy presents for their own families, much less kids that don't have families.

But! I have an idea!

Instead of an Angel Tree, I propose that this year, someone set up a Demon Tree instead. My proposal would consist of an identical tree, set up either in place of or directly beside the aforementioned Angel Tree. The paper ornaments would each have the name of a convict on the back. To adopt one of these 'demons', you'd have to make a monetary donation, but after doing so you'd be the one allowed to throw the switch during their execution. Someone's got to work the electric chair, and by renting out that duty we could raise some extra funds to help out in this time of need.

Maybe we could even liven things up, throw in some old classics like the guillotine or firing squad. But that's beside the point. The American taxpayers are already financially stressed. We're already unable to pay our own bills. And we're having to pay for 'three hots and a cot' for so many people in our over-crowded prison system. If we reduce that number the savings would be significant. And if we raise funds at the same time, it's win/win.

I think that'd be a fine idea. So please, people. Find it in your hearts to donate. It is the giving season after all.