July 10th, 2006

Tasuki - Are You Stupid?

You want to know why soccer SUCKS?

Okay. World Cup 2006. Final match. Biggest single soccer game of the year by my understanding. And a Frenchie gets all pissed and headbutts one of the Italian players.

My first thought was a simple "Meh, it happens." It's sports. It's an intense, physical competition. And in this game in particular, there's a lot on the line. I've seen athletes get pissed at one another more times than I can count. And when you see bench-clearers in baseball, NASCAR drivers ramming into one another at 200mph, hockey players beating the teeth out of each other's heads, a boxer eating their opponents ear, and even a basketball player going apeshit fucking crazy and storming into the stands to beat the fuck out of unsuspecting fans? Again, one little headbutt doesn't get much more than an apathetic "meh" from me.

But sports writers are calling this "The Headbutt Heard Round the World." They're making this into the single worst thing to happen in sports maybe EVER. The Frenchies are acting like this is the one and only reason they lost the game. This is apparently some majorly huge fucking scandal. They're acting like this is what happened:



I don't know. I don't get it, and if anyone can explain it to me I'd be more than happy to hear it. But I'm willing to do the American thing and simply say "soccer sucks" and move on with my life. I mean, look at this more realistic though equally as snark-tastic picture of the headbutt in question:



Most folks woulda just thrown a punch, but this is soccer and I know you can't use your hands. Hell, on second thought I don't even know if I should compare this to a punch...looks more like a shove than anything. And I know that soccer players are stereotypically known for being bigger and better actors than damn near anyone, but he sold that move WAY too hard. Looked more like Spike Dudley than anyone else, deliberately trying to fling himself backward and flop around like he's dyin' or something.

Bah, I see better hits than that on every single fucking play during a Tide game. Now that's REAL "football" for ya.