You know? I was thinking. (Yes, I do that on occasion...)
I couldn't sleep right away, not really all that tired yet since I accidentally took a nap around noon. So I just kind of stared at the ceiling and thought about all sorts of things. And I started getting a touch emo. It doesn't happen often, but it does occasionally happen when no one's looking. The thoughts just kind of popped into my head, without me actively trying to dwell on any particular subject. I started thinking about a few people from my past, folks that I haven't seen in years. Some of whom I used to be close to. Some of whom need their asses kicked. Just various random people from assorted points in my past, and what might happen if I stumbled across them again in my travels. Alone in the darkness, I couldn't help but think on my many fuckups, or at least, some of the low points in my life whether or not I was the one to blame.
I know I use this journal as a sounding board. When I get pissed, as I so often do, I take my frustrations out on my keyboard instead of someone else's face. Which is good, I think...keeps me out of prison and all. Sure, it's also a political soapbox, rumor mill, meeting place for a lot of the different people I know, and whatever else. But I do rant and rave on here, probably more than I should, and that makes things look disproportionate. If I only talk when things are bad, then it gives the illusion that things are always bad.
And that's what I ended up thinking. After idly daydreaming of encounters with people I've known over the past ten or so years, it just kind of hit me. My life completely fucking pwns. Sure, I never thought I'd be exactly where I'm at right now. Sure, there's a handful of things that I'll always regret. And sure, I have more than my share of problems. Mental, physical, emotional...all kinds, really. Life has definitely thrown me some massive curve balls over the years, but dammit if my pair ain't bigger. I've played my cards well, and made the most of the hand I've been dealt. I've still got some things to improve, some areas that I'm weak in. But at the end of the day, things are pretty damn awesome all around, even if there's a couple of scars here and there from times I've been wounded. I'm still alive, and cain't nobody or nothing take me down.
No real point in all that, I suppose. Just one of those random thoughts that found it's way to the keys of my laptop.