I've been there for quite a while now, since before Ivan at any rate. They were showing SailorStars, whenever that was. Great place...the people are all super-nice, and the club's about as well run as it could possibly be. Hell, my little Anime club wasn't 25% of what they got, and it folded by the end of the semester. Only complaint I've ever had about Miso was that I always felt like an outsider. Everyone says that Miso is one big, happy family; if so, then I felt like I was the redheaded stepchild that no one wanted. Just sat in the back, by myself, and watched the shows. (Till James from my MCSA classes showed up at least - now the two of us sit in the back by ourselves and watch the shows.) Still had a great time, and every week I tried being more and more social during the breaks, but I never felt like it was "my" club, despite being a paid member and all. I go to every meeting, talk to as many folks as I could during breaks, hit the forums daily, spend most nights in the IRC chat, but despite these efforts I still didn't really feel like part of the group. Made a few individual friends like Lauren and Jordan and Cheebs, but I still didn't feel like I was "in" with the Miso crowd as a whole. ::shrugs::
I think tonight may be the end of that. And it took something very uncharacteristic of me to do it.
Long story short, I broke my "Shut The Fuck Up Because Nobody Cares" resolution big time and told Em the two-minute version of what all happened to me in '04. Well, the main points at any rate. That's wierd, cause usually the only place I blather on about that sort of thing is here, online. Everywhere else I tend to be kind of a private person; I'm "the strong one" after all. ::shrugs:: It was a tad embarassing admitting to all my failures like that, but I did this for a good reason...the point was to tell her how I spent most of the entire year locked up in my room being depressed and antisocial, and Miso was the one thing that kind of lured me out of my shell. Hopefully a few good stories like that will help to outweigh the one or two pieces of drama that pop up here and there. Thought it might cheer her up, and make her see the positive side of what she's doing - the good that comes from all of her efforts.
I don't know. Seems that opening up for a change really hit home. Not too unlike Silent Bob's words of wisdom towards the end of a Kevin Smith flick. Things seemed a helluva lot different after that. Folks started listening to things that I'd say. When they were talking to everyone, they'd look over and make eye contact with me as if I was part of their group as well. Instead of the usual "the Officers are taking care of it" answer when I offered to help pack up, they let me do a few things like carry boxes out to the car and such. Didn't even pause, either - just let me lend a hand like all the other regs.
The whole point was to try to help someone else out, but by dropping my shield for a moment I ended up crossing that invisible barrier and becoming part of the club. I love it when selfless acts end up coming back to reward you somehow...
And just now in the IRC chat, Mo called me "Russ-sama". Definitely caught me by surprise, and when I said something to that effect, he told me how him and Emily respected the hell out of me. Apparently, I am "held in the highest of regards", "one of the few they actually like", and simply "awesome". And here I was worried that no one would even remember my name should I leave Mobile for another job like the Washington DC one. If anything, I might get lucky and be a face in the background of one of the photos used for the 2nd Anniversary video next year. Quite the contrary, Mo flat out told me that they really hoped I stuck around Mobile. Wasn't going to wish against me getting a job somewhere else, but folks wouldn't be happy to hear that I was skipping town. Blindsided me like a fucking semi...
(And as this was going on, Sage was giving me an equally unexpected ego boost over on AIM. Wasn't depressed or anything and needed cheering up - in fact, I said that things were pretty good. And then he lays on several lines about my best qualities...if it was anyone else, I wouldn't have thought they were sincere and that they prolly wanted something instead. DAMN, I'm not used to this kind of treatment!)
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