February 10th, 2003

Dante Hicks - Working WAY too hard..., Dante Hicks - headdesk, Dante Hicks - Why me?

What's wrong with me?

Why can I not seem to keep up a friendship with people who aren't physically with me? First, Caleb moves to the other side of town. I completely lost track of him up until last semester. Even now, the last time I heard from him, he was going to show up here in T-town sometime last semester. He wasn't able to drop by, and I haven't called him up since. First it was Finals, then all the Christmas chaos and a minor cold during the holiday, now I'm back up here. I honestly want to keep in touch, but never seem to have the time to call anyone up.

Same thing happened to Adam (N). I still think of him as my right-hand man. Last I heard from him, I called him up to make plans with him to hang out over my birthday. He was busy but said he'd call me back. Never happened. Since then, I've just been too busy to call. I know that's no excuse, but there just never seems to be enough time. I know, Timmie just died. I know I've been pulling all nighters to get ready for the Cal III test or whatever other project I had at the time. But that's no excuse...

Same thing happened with Jason (W) last semester. One of the most interesting guys I've ever met. I told him that I wanted to try to keep in touch after he graduated, but he hasn't written me anything. Don't want to act like a stalker or anything. Also, what the hell do I write? "Hi. How has life been going? Fine here." Same thing with Lee...I see him on AIM and talk to him off and on, but we just don't seem to have anything to talk about. He's all businesslike and shit now, being an accountant or whatever. I'm still just going to classes and doing homework. I hardly ever IM him, but when I do, we both just kinda sit there and not say anything until I just say that I gotta go. It really sucks...

I wrote Ben once or twice after he graduated. Eventually, I wrote him a letter that he didn't reply to, and I haven't gotten a chance to talk to him since. It's not that I forgot about him - he's cool as fuck, and I miss hanging out with him. He's also one of the most interesting guys I happen to know; him, Adam, and Jason all are neck and neck for the top spot. I wrote him a small Happy Birthday card on the 17th, not knowing that he even still had the same email addy. Just got a reply tonight. Great news! But then again, he reminded me how long it's been since the last email. Apparently it was pre 9-11. Damn, how the hell did it get to be so long? That's what has set me off on this half-rant, half-cry for help tonight. I miss the guy. If I could, I'd teleport him and Adam (H) down here just to hang out for the weekend. I know it's overly sentimental, but I still have the b-day present that Ben gave me his last year here sitting on top of my computer monitor. I care about these people, and more than anything want to keep in touch with them. Why the hell is it so hard? Why can't I seem to manage this?

Anyway, I'm left here to wonder how the hell to maintain friendships with all the folks that used to be such close friends. I have a few online-only friends, like some of you here on LJ. I've never met half of you guys, and likely never will. But people who I've been friends with for years keep slipping through the cracks. How can I maintain a friendship with people on the other side of the country (or in other countries in some cases), but can't keep up with people I used to share an appartment with? Most don't have AIM or even check their email all that often; like I said, Ben just now read his birthday email a full three weeks after the day had passed. I'm sure that's part of the reson, cause I mainly use AIM and email to keep in touch with the people I care about. But even with those who do have AIM - like Lee - I still can't seem to stay in touch with. And with Adam and Caleb, I actually have their phone numbners. I have free nights and weekends on my cell phone, and nationwide long distance. But I never have time to call them up, and when I do, I never can get in touch with them.

Blarg. Everything sucks. The friends I do have are incredible. If it weren't so late, I'd post all the stuff that Jason (E) did for me this past weekend, but that'll have to be tomorrow between classes. The bad thing is no matter how close I am to people...Adam (N), Caleb, Lee, John, Jason (W), Adam (H), Ben...I always end up loosing contact with them completely. I hate that. I just wish I knew what I was doing wrong. I wish I had some way of keeping friends after they move away. Bah.
  • Current Music
    Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody
Bama Eyes, Bama Staredown

Sleepy? Nah, not really...

Sleep patern's fucked up. Again. Couldn't sleep last night, so I stayed up till 6:00am reading a book before I conked out. Slept until 2:00pm or so, and now It's 3:15am and I'm still wide awake. Starting to get the slightest bit drowsy, but that's just cause I've been sitting here at the computer for awhile now and need to get up and walk around. Since I'm supposed to get up at 6:00am - three hours from now - I reckon I'll be pulling an unneccesary all-nighter. I'll crash again at 2:30pm or so once I get back from classes, since there's no way I can go to sleep and still make my early classes. Oh well, nothing to it but to do it. I'll be looking forward to my afternoon nap tomorrow for certain. >_
  • Current Music
    None, obviously. Any sane person would be in bed by now.....
Bama Eyes, Bama Staredown

Last week

Well, the past week has been hell. So much hell that I will LJ-Cut it for your non-viewing pleasure.

Collapse )I guess that's more than enough for now. I'm pushing myself to the verge of tears just remembering all of this and writing it down. Besides, my back is acting up again and I'm going to have to lie down on the couch for a while before it gets completely stove up.

That's enough of my week so far. I'll post the weekend's events (which were considerably more pleasant) between my 8:00 and 10:00 classes, or perhaps right before my eagerly anticipated afternoon nap. Besides, if you want to know more - which I sincerely doubt, considering how I ramble - you can always read my brother thespacecow's post on the same subject if you just caint wait. His is much less verbose, which I'm sure you are all very glad to hear. >_
  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed
Bama Eyes, Bama Staredown

Wow...learn something new every day.

Apparently, LJ has a Syndication feature, so that you can get headlines from certain websites listed on your friends page. That way you will always know when pages update. The page is at http://www.livejournal.com/syn/ if anyone wants to check it out. ^_^

There's a limit to how many of these you can use, of course. Not sure if the limit works the same was as that of the user pics...I might toss LJ another five bucks one of these days and experiment. Anyway, I signed up for animenews, slashdot, calnhobbes, and theonionfeed. Might swap some of these around later, but gonna see how it works. Just FYI, in case anyone else is interested but didn't know about this feature. I sure didn't...lol.
  • Current Music
    Bon Jovi - Bad Name