Knight of Mars (sailornash) wrote,
Knight of Mars
sailornash

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Here's to the Past, You can Kiss My Glass

You know, I was about to do a year-in-review post. Then I saw that most of my friends were doing decade-in-review posts instead. I'm not one to hop onto popular bandwagons but this one seemed interesting. Perhaps it's due to my amnesia, but memories are rather important to me.

Started on that about an hour or two ago, but ended up deleting the entire post. As I started thinking back to recall all that had happened, and trying to put dates to events, I couldn't help but notice just how horrible it all ended up being. Crippling injuries, lies, betrayal by even the best of friends. Sudden, impactful deaths of those closest to you. Being cheated on and left by a fiancee that didn't value loyalty and faithfulness the way that you were stupid enough to believe in. Massive amounts of debt. Extended periods of unemployment. One failure after another. The few highlights such as going to Japan seemed to be all but buried under so much misery and woe.

And the most frightening part was that I stopped at the end of 2003/beginning of 2004...and that was perhaps the single worst year in my entire life. There's so much that's happened since then that it's absolutely terrifying. Stalkers. Theft. Asshole bosses and demanding, demeaning jobs. More lies and betrayal. A love life that's completely DOA. I can't even remember what all else...and I don't think that I want to continue trying.

I refuse to dwell any longer on all the times I've been used and abused. I refuse to think any longer about dating woes, financial turmoil, or the misplaced trust I've foolishly put in others. I have no reason to want to relive the times my injuries were so bad, I couldn't feel or move anything below my waist. And perhaps even more painful, I will not torture myself by thinking of all the opportunities I've passed up. Better not to think about what might have been, knowing that such is nothing more than idle fantasy.

The only thing worth taking away from that...the full list of things I've endured...is that I endured.

I'm still here.

I reject all these attempts to pull me down. I reject these circumstances that think they're bigger than me, powerful enough to overcome the strength of my will. I may have been burned, but I'll always rise above it all. I will overcome. I will triumph in the end.

And in the end, that's really all you need to know.
Tags: life, self-analysis, year in review
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