Went to the store to buy grub to a Monday Night RAW party tonight. Also grabbed me some beer for the next time the guys came crashin' at my place after a night wandering the streets downtown. Went to checkout and I ended up with male-centerfold-looking checkout dude I can't possibly describe. But I'll try.
He just...looked like every single douchebag I've ever seen on every single cover of every single teen fashion magazine ever. That alone was enough to make me want to punch him, just on principle. But he was trying entirely too hard, and trying to look like he was so nonchalant that he wasn't trying at all. Fer'instance, he had the perfect two-day-stubble thing going on, just enough to show he was oh-so-macho and didn't have to shave but not enough to really be a beard. Yet he had his hair perfectly waxed and smoothed into place. I bet he tweezered his face to keep his perfect stubble juuuuuuuust right. He wore tons of rugged rope and bead jewelry to show how raw and primal and manly he was, but the huge bead in the center with the corporate logo kind of totally missed the entire point. So did the $200 shades, but I digress.
Anyway, this young punk just irked me from the get-go. But I didn't say nothing...he was just some kid working some minimum-wage checkout job bagging my groceries. Normally I go for the obvious jailbait to have something nice to look at...not that I can really flirt with them for obvious reasons, but if they're paid to be nice to me might as well have it be of the cute and female variety. Unfortunately no girls were available and I only had some chips and some beer anyway. Who cares. Whatever.
I'm about to hit thirty. I don't think I'm an old man by any means, but it's starting to get bad enough that some of my friends are talking about "my generation" versus "their generation", dating's getting tougher, and class reunions are upcoming. Hell, I had to fucking dye my hair this morning before work. All this is on my mind, and while my mind is kind of wandering this preppy-ass kid tries to card me.
The God of Drinking.
I laugh in his face. I really did.
I chuckled, didn't get offended though. Hell, most folks would take it as a compliment. And it's not like I'm too much over the limit. I'm still a twenty-something (technically) and get mistaken for being a mid-20's college grad pretty often. It's reasonable, though it has been a while since I've been carded. Definitely not since I've grown the goatee...I think that's helped a lot, to be honest. As I chuckled and pulled out my wallet I made friendly conversation, saying that it's actually been a while since someone's carded me for this.
I had meant that no one cards me for alcohol. Hell, even at 18 I was able to get into bars pretty easily to catch my favorite shows when they were playing.
This kid took it the wrong way...and accuses me of drinking non-alcoholic beer.
That's not my commentary here...I actually said that in a wild exclamation. Couldn't help it. I mean, he come right out and accused me of something I thought was unthinkable.
THE GOD OF DRINKING!
He was taken slightly aback, but was trying to act too cool to really be unnerved. Said he "never heard of that before"
"Sam Adams?" I looked at him suspiciously. His manhood plummeted.
Then, I realized that I also had grabbed a six-pack of St. Pauli's Girl. "Oh, St. Pauli's," I then said. He recovered and mumbled "never heard that before..." with his voice growing smaller and weaker with each syllable uttered.
I channeled my inner beer snob and simply added a quick "It's German," and left it at that, figuring that at best he'll be sipping PBR's with some fratboys right after he has to suck all their dicks at initiation.
Only a three minute window into my day, but it was an amusing interaction. Now, to rejoin the Nabber, Tiny, and Chingaling for some rowdy Monday night fun...just like the good old days. I cannot wait.